Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My Theme for English II


The instructor said

Go home and write

A page tonight

And let that page come out of you

And then it will be true

It’s funny

Now I‘m the instructor

Giving directions, staring from

The other side of the room

Standing, talking, yelling, drowning

No longer the insecure teenager

Unsure of who I am, of where I’m going

Truth for me? Its here not here.

I am 35, white, a teacher.

a father unsure of his role

A man trying to be a husband, a family

I am a part of them, as they are a part of me.

So where do you fit in,

my other children, my charges, my students?

Are we a part of each other:

you a part of me, me of you

Everyday I take part of you home with me,

though sometimes I would rather not

You enter my psyche, build me up

and tear me down from the inside

You invade my dreams, barrage my consciousness,

do violence in a way that

Forces life, viscous, exuding

from the pores of my existence

Tiny holes all around

Sometimes

I don’t have the strength

Sometimes

I don’t have the desire

All the time

You are there

To challenge me

To help me

To hurt me

“No pain no gain”


And You?

How do I affect you,

how do I make you cry

make you laugh

Make you sigh

make you think

make you sleep

Do you take me home at the end of the day

Do I make you jump, do I stand in your way

Turn your insides out?

I suppose you don’t always want me to be a part of you,

maybe never.

But I hope I am a part of you

since we are what we feel and hear and see;

I feel and hear and see you,

Hear you hear me—we two—you, me talk on this page.

Do you hear and see and feel me? How am I, you, we?

A Blip on a radar screen

comes into focus for an instant then vanishes

A voice crying out in the wilderness,

unheeded, barely noticed

My eyes scan the room, I catch your faces

frozen in the flash, and wonder

Who is more free?

I am white, and older but I don’t feel more free,

what is it to be free?

No longer the insecure teenager

Unsure of who I am, of where I’m going

I am the adult unsure of where I am

of who I should be

Father, son,

husband, teacher,

brother, uncle

I guess it never gets easier

1 comment:

Hagan Dool said...

Good morning class today we're blah blah blah blah
it doesnt matter what we learn
it's who we work for that make us churn
the fat old guy who smells like pee, thats not the one who teaches me
they say that knowledge will set you free
it's hard when master shoots you down.
Work.
Improve.
work.
worse than before.
work.
not quite there.
work.
this is beter but..
work.
you kids are so lucky.
work.
work will set you free
thats what a teacher makes it be.
some day you need to learn
we dont work when we get burned.
teach your child well
if not we'll give you hell.
I've know you know three years gone by
you, the one that made me try
I'd have to say your quite the guy
scum bag yes but I dont care,
will I remember.
you'll be there.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
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Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
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David Sedaris
An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
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Charles de Montesquieu (1689 - 1755)